Stuck in the middle of nowhere

Well, I guess have passed a lot of time since I made a critic post… a critic for myself or to the world… Anyway there’s a good reason to do that, so I’m gonna to be very clear in the whole bunch of feelings and situations that make me feel like a really scared dog in middle of nowhere

I guess as all you people who read my blog I’m a guy trying to be a Level Designer, I’m trying since 2013 with some projects in CryEngine and now with Unreal Engine 4. I must assume, the results are not what I’ve expected, but sometimes I feel I’m doing well. I’m making progress and I can feel it, however at the same time I have the little feeling about it doesn’t make any change, I’ve been exiled from the most common developer stereotype of Game Developer in my country, I mean… I don’t like Unity, I’m not fan of 2D and Mobile games, and also I’m not a fan of stories with weird stuff. Is that right in me? I mean… Of course all game developers must have their own principles about what kind of games they play, want to create, are planning, etc. But sometimes I feel really… frustrated to stay in a little stuck style of concept, trying to deal with the model of “ok is the most that we can do”. That stupid way of things, and when really amazing concepts of games and also ideas, project prototypes they got blamed just because it doesn’t obey to they nature.

Now I’m suffering a little complex situation, without a job, opportunities lost or some that I cannot apply because I don’t have the experience needed or the skills needed to to that. Even that makes me think about “I’ve been wasting these entire 5 years in game development or the last 3 years in Level Design?”. My internal answer is not, sometimes as now I feel quite uncomfortable with my situtaion, trying to scape I find another and another and another obstacle in my way, I’ve been regreting past decisions and also situations so I cannot think to clearly what is going on… I have a serious problem not in my vocation… I have the problem probably in the way.

That’s why some time ago I’ve been looking for an opportunity to work in a Game Dev Studio or even study game design aspects in US, I’ve been looking in DigiPen, FullSail, Academy of Art University, etc some degrees such as Bachelors and now Masters Degree to study, even I have more finnancial opportunities with Masters Degrees, anyway I still having so much to learn, to walk, to say, to everything…

Does anyone know what’s going on? how could you help me to figure? any Advice?